I watched the movie The Help recently and the movie gave me some intense feelings – first of anger that made me want to step back in time and make a stand myself. It was soul-wrenching to watch. But as a white woman myself, it also brought me a sense of shame. How could someone treat other people that way?! How could they see themselves as a superior race?! I don’t understand how anyone could look into the eyes of someone else, hear what they have to say, and decide what you think of them based solely on the color of their skin. It truly boggles my mind!

How could their heart, their character, and their integrity not matter?! So many incredible people were surely lost without the opportunity to shine their light for others. No one has the right to take away someone’s personal power based on the color of their skin.

The wounds of a bully

Upon reflection I wonder about who the first person was, that decided (yes, it was a decision) that another’s skin color made them less of a soul. The wound they must have been carrying that made them feel inferior to the character of the person standing in front of them, led to the words of a bully.

Contempt for oneself brings it spilling onto others. If only they understood the evil their pain was giving birth to – and it would never truly make them feel superior, no matter how much they tried. Healing doesn’t come from the outside – it can only be done from looking within.

To those who truly believe their value is above another’s, you need to look inside. It is a sore that needs attention – even if it was seeded generations ago. For no matter what cruelty your words and actions dish out – it will not erase what’s searing on the inside. It only serves to intensify it.

Look, listen and reflect

Those who trigger that emotion in you are the ones you need to understand. Listen…and then reflect on your why. Perhaps you will learn something about yourself; if you have the courage to look and be honestly vulnerable with yourself.

I can’t change what injustices have been done. I can only attempt to understand and help shed a light on the chain that still has a hold on a portion of our humanity.

For the beautiful souls

For those whose futures were challenged because of it, you have my respect for the strength and courage your ancestors had in order to survive and stand up and be heard. For those who still face that mindset from others, you have my deepest apologies. Be the best you that you can be because there are many who see your character, integrity and strength. Those with bad behavior reflect on themselves, not you. Don’t give them the power to dim your light. Shine it bright for all to see.

Your decision

For those of you who identify with being white, you cannot be indifferent to it. At some point in your life you will need to decide whether to speak up against it. When that time happens – you will be deciding whether you are okay with your silence being the voice of condoning it. It would be wiser to examine your thoughts and decide now if you have that wound, even if it’s not fresh enough to acknowledge it’s even there. I urge you to watch the movie or read the book. It cannot help but impact your soul.

The healing world

The world is healing, despite all the anguish and anger spilling out from those who haven’t. Are you going to be on the side of the light or the darkness?

We are all in this together and we are each responsible for our part. It is up to us how much we value character and integrity – both from inside ourselves and those around us.

Where do you stand? Do you have the courage to shine your light? Only you can decide.

Compassion not contempt.

Written by Melody Belliveau

Continue reading “The Sins of Our Forefathers”

This is the time of year we see it in our lives the most. We start the year off with internal pep talks and New Year’s Resolutions (or goals, depending on your perspectives) and when we start to slide backwards after our progress, we look hard on ourselves. We doubt we’ve really made any progress, especially when we’ve struggled to overcome challenges and life throws us another curve ball that knocks us back off our feet.

The journey of life is not always easy, and sometimes we carry forward our battle scars of wounds to our mind, body and spirit. Often we work hard at “getting ahead” and find the road difficult and long. We persevere with all our strength through the struggle. Those steps back can get us discouraged and we wonder “what’s the point when you’re always knocked back down?”.

The One Step Forward….

Those are the moments we need to see that one step. The one step we still moved forward. You are more than you were before those three steps. That one step is part of who you are now with what you’ve seen. You are one step higher than you were and you need to see that success now more than ever before. It didn’t come without effort from you.

The Two Steps Back….

They hold their own value. They contain insights you could not have been given by any other way. Experience is a powerful teacher if we’re willing to really look at the lesson it has for you. You’ve seen what doesn’t work – are you willing to open up to new possibilities of what could? Sometimes the answers lie outside the box.

Reflection is a lens that, when colored by compassion for ourselves, can show us the opening of another path. Can you give that to yourself? The more we give it to ourselves, the more we are able to give it to others.

Where You Are….

We’ve still gained that one step forward and with it we’ve gained experience in the other two. So don’t sit down and give up…. You’re further ahead than you give yourself credit for. Look inside and see what you’ve learned from the challenges. That’s where your personal growth is. It’s where the seeds of wisdom are planted, and if carefully cultivated, can serve others.

You matter more than you know.

Written by Melody Belliveau

The past few elections have been votes based on who people hated less. It wasn’t about belief in the candidate we chose, it was about how much we detested the opponent. We chose by colors and waves for red or blue with contempt for the other side. All that does is bring greater divides. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For our voting system to matter in its true spirit, it needs to be about who shows us the best character, the one with outstanding integrity that you see. One who will do their best for the country as a whole – not just one side of the divide. Are they looking for power, or do they genuinely care about those on every street? American Pride must include us all.

Do they place their votes while in office based on what’s good for our country, or is it based on party lines? We cannot say that either side has not been right or come up with good ideas at least part of the time. Both have value and need to work together. Votes in office on party lines is a failure to work together. Does that make them blind to what the other side can do that’s good?

Ballots received by mail

Getting ballots in the mail can be a great opportunity if we look at the benefit it gives the voter. We can research who they really are before choosing. The majority of people don’t know ahead of time all of the candidates listed on the ballot before choosing. This gives you the chance to know with the time to choose wisely, with open eyes.

Then you have a choice of how you want to deliver it, either by mail or town hall or drop box. If you bring it in, remember to show kindness to the workers. They have taken on a job that we as a nation, have turned into a dangerous position. What does that say about us? Don’t be part of that. Use your own character and integrity to show them support and kindness. Show gratitude that they are willing to serve us. Being in service to others does not mean they lack value that’s worthy of respect – on the contrary. Sometimes it requires an an admirable amount of patience to serve through the disrespect, and that’s a reflection on the public they serve. Let’s change that together and in the words of Peter Clarke, “Just be kind out there”.

So go out there and vote with character and integrity, and spread the energy of hope, rather than an energy of hate. Our country really needs that more than ever now.

Written by Melody Belliveau

You are living in your pain and anguish and your actions show that to the world. You are feeling like life is closing in on you. We need you to face your humanity. To deny it only hurts you more. The only view you see is that you will defend yourself at the cost of all others, and you are not bluffing.

The truth of the matter…

But there is a truth you are refusing to see. One that needs to be pointed out to you and to the world. You have the power to stop it all. With one declaration from you of a cease war, it will end all of what is going on. Your very own words would end the threat you see for yourself. And it would be the bravest thing that you’ve ever done in your life.

You may never become a hero to those you have already hurt, but to the parent who stays up through the night worrying that their children will be the next to be sacrificed – they will be grateful for your strength to have the guts to stop this. Once we admit we were wrong – we aren’t wrong anymore.

Make no mistake – all this is on you because you are the aggressor and peace is literally in your hands. But you can’t feel it because you haven’t had it in your heart. Even with the power you have, happiness still alludes you. Stop and think of the possibilities of what peace can accomplish if that were your focus. Destroying others will never lead to peace of the soul it only feeds the ego that can never be satisfied. Why is it better to create destruction instead?

The why of it all ….

Your why is very important – facing it will require integrity because the answer is inside, not in the possession you seek of other land. You are not the man and leader you still have the ability to become. Do you have the courage it takes to serve your soul instead? Hitler did not – and only those who live in their wounds admire his legacy. The rest of the world sees him as a monster in human form to this day.

We understand that you are powerful – but can you really see what your power has created? Death and destruction to both sides. You can’t ignore that. It will take much more courage to stop this, than it does to escalate the destruction.

“He who wishes to fight must first count the cost” Sun Tzu

Your actions are hurting those you lead, you must see that. What is the best course of action for the greater good of your own people? The true measure of a leader can be seen by the answer to this question: “Is your legacy one that evil benefits from?” If it is, it is your responsibility to change that. While you are still here, you still can. Now is the time for you to change course and you will have sent a powerful message of true courage.

Hope ….

Do you have that? I pray you have the strength to become a true legend. The world needs you to find it inside yourself. Oh how I wish your own eyes could see and your ears could hear the message in the words I’ve written here! But I have hope like the depth of the seas that you will find the strength to do this and start to heal your soul. I have hope that the ripples of light energy here will have an impact – no matter how they get to you or by whom. Words touching a soul will touch others and the ripple widens. Perhaps someone who reads this will carry it forward even if only in their thoughts at first. Maybe then into seeds of a brighter future filled with peace. Who knows? Maybe prayers will come out of this for you from the world that reach your soul. What will you do when it does?

Written by Melody Belliveau

As a society, America tends to look at holidays as simply a day off of work to celebrate. Cookouts are a common way to spend Labor Day. Tuesday it’s back to the grind and nothing was gained by the day before. But can there be more to it than that?

Your Value

There can be, if we use it for reflection of our labors. To acknowledge your value in the workforce – no matter what your station is. The view of essential workers was spotlighted during the pandemic and included those that many take for granted.

But you matter

And Labor Day is a day for reflection of that. Know that you are valuable and take the time to recognize that you are. With the struggles of today, you need that for yourself or work is just another stressor of your life. Let the truth of your value energize you, and find a way to love what you do so it doesn’t drain you instead.

Whether it be raising children, corporate or Foundation work, or the minimum wage service industry, you have value. Know it, feel it, and let that empower your soul. We are all in this together and you are an important part of community, even when others overlook that fact. So when you go in to work tomorrow, keep that in mind if you start doubting yourself. We need you, so thank you for being there to do the job you do.

Melody Belliveau

Drug addiction can come from 2 different places

The medical profession

It can come from the trust in a prescription that leads to a physical addiction. Someone who “would never!” finds themselves facing a fight from their own body when the usage stops. It is not limited to pain medications. That’s just the ones we watch for, and when they happen, we look down on the patient. Sometimes with pity, other times with disgust.

You doubt their word if they insist “this is not who I am! I didn’t think it could happen to me.” The damage has been done and carries on. They don’t want help because they fight it in their mind without acceptance of the truth. To be given help requires vulnerability and the acceptance that they are powerless to stop it on their own. That requires trust in others and it’s hard to have a rational mind in the middle of it. The further into it, the harder it is to see from the inside. Sometimes the very doctor that got you there won’t admit it, never mind be able to help you. It is beyond their ability to give you a corrective course of action.

Escape from the wounds

The second side of it is experimentation for escape. What they often don’t realize is who they are trying to escape from – it is themselves. The voices inside one’s head can be relentlessly cruel. If they were a person in the room, they would need to leave it. But no matter where they go, this one follows. Sometimes it’s started as echoes from others. It replayed in their head until their own inner voice started repeating it. It becomes their agreement with themselves and their actions become proof of it’s truth to them.

They search for self medication that will dull the senses and quiet the voice. If they use it enough, get inebriated enough, they don’t have to care what it says anymore. By the time they realize they’ve made the words come true, they have no idea how to climb back up out of the darkness. And their body fights against even trying.

Thoughts become things

To deny an addiction is to deny the wound – whether physical or emotional. Just once more is to delay an action your soul is asking you to take. Healing starts with the thoughts of wanting better than this life. Healing starts with the courage to decide to walk the tough road of recovery for what could be waiting on the other side. Knowing they don’t want anymore of this life. It’s a fight that requires everything from you. It requires mind, body and spirit.

The mind because mindset is everything. Without a belief that you have what it takes, you are heavily disadvantaged. Thoughts become things. Feed your mind with what it needs to succeed. “You can do this!” is one of them. Be painfully honest about everything you need to heal.

The body will fight you tooth and nail. It doesn’t know how to cope on it’s own anymore. It will take all it has to readjust and become fully functional once more. Be kind, treat it gentle and believe it can do it with your help. Withdrawal is a journey through hell, often at a level of pain that is inhumane. If you don’t give up, time is on your side. Do what you can for your immune system to show your support for your body.

The spirit will be the hardest work. You will need to really look up and within. The scars on your soul and the raw open wounds that have never healed will need to be examined and understood. You’ll never fully heal the body if you can’t heal your soul. But it is work you can and must do. It becomes part of your strength and your character. Faith can take you through the impossible. Courage grows each day you do. You can win the fight – but it’s all up to you and no one can do it for you, no matter how much they want to.

To understand

Understanding doesn’t come from pity or coddling. Understanding comes from the human side. Compassion comes from seeing it and looking for an answer. We’ve got to change our minds about about demonizing them, because right now, with what people are going through, more and more people are trying to escape. There are those, including some of the most incredible people, that are choosing to give up and leave this world. Our homeless and suffering population is growing.

Can you honestly say, if you were forced to live on the street, you would never try to dull the pain? If you can jump to say you would not, then you truly don’t understand the pain of living on the streets. It hits all three parts of you – body, mind and soul, and you feel alone in it. Asking for help doesn’t always mean it’s there to receive.

Judgement of them

But these are the people we look down on. We don’t want to see or hear from them. We don’t trust them or want them in our neighborhoods. We decide that before we even know their story. If we are to judge them (and we do), how do we do that without knowing their story? And when you hear it, could you be sure you wouldn’t have landed there too? Remember, we can’t cast the stone if we can relate.

Asking the question “what did they go through?” is important and necessary. Not to excuse, but to understand and stop it from continuing on for them and others that otherwise will come next. The why of everything is key. You cannot solve a problem without understanding the why of it first. Compassion not contempt.

As the United States celebrates the 4th of July today, many will share their perspective of a freedom lost or won. It only depends on which side of the divide they agree with.

Roe vs Wade

There will be those who celebrate the overturning of Roe vs Wade as a freedom for the unborn. They hold this truth emotionally and intellectually. They have no doubt in their mind that they are on the right side of the divide.

Others, who view it as a freedom lost, will reflect with a sense of despair on what they see as a step backwards in time and an intrusion of their rights regarding a very private and personal medical decision for their own body. They are judged as being on the wrong moral side.

Seems impossible to be pro-life and pro-choice at the same time. But…… the reality of it is very few are pro-abortion. There are those who value life and the unborn that had thought NEVER but find themselves feeling no other option.

Where do we go from here?

A seat in the middle is the only place true change can be made. It’s how you sit down at the table and get things done – together. Surely each state has the courage to sit down with those from both sides who already use their voices to protest, either for or against abortion rights.

Call in those who are brave enough to talk about the impact of the whys, and then come up with ways to help change the outcome. Alleviate some of the whys such as homelessness, drug addiction, poverty and domestic violence. Make it one less thing that makes them feel squeezed into a corner they feel no way out of. Forcing those pregnancies will only add more suffering.

Doctors and those who assist on the front lines, need to be able to share their views and, those circumstances that still haunt them. They can give valuable guidance from their experiences.

Voice or judgement

Someone simply voicing that they would NEVER – that’s murder, are not the ones that have been in the ring of this fight. You cannot see your side and judge, and then think you’ve seen the full picture. That view makes you blind and no help can be given when you come at it from judgment.

Instead of simply winning a side with a court judgment, what if we could try setting out with a purpose to #SaveOne? For those you can help choose to bring forth the life, you will have saved one. For those feeling it is the only option, is there a way to help others because of it? Is cord blood collection something that could be used to save those who otherwise wouldn’t make it?

Could the reason it was the only option be something that needs more awareness, like a devastating medical condition? Could that baby’s life matter in that way?

Can they still matter?

They are not just a “procedure”, and for most, they will have an impact – but we can choose what the impact is. Don’t they deserve that respect rather than violence, rage and shame after the fact? Be humane in the the act of their death and make them matter.

Regardless of what state you live in – and regardless of the stance taken on the issue – there’s work to be done. It must be done with compassion without judgment. Then maybe, just maybe, we could save those that might not have been saved before. Isn’t that the real bottom line? Compassion not contempt.

Written by Melody Belliveau

I heard that phrase a few times in the past 24 hours and since I watch for cues from the Universe on what topics to explore, I took the hint.

Stepping outside of the comfort zone

When we do something outside of our comfort zone, we do often lack confidence. Whether it is a presentation or a job interview, “fake it til you make it” is a common piece of advice. But before you take that advice, there are a few perspectives about it that you might want to consider.

“Fake it til you make it” is a just for now, temporary thing, to help you get through what you need to do. But even when it’s successful, there are always more challenges ahead. Getting through them with that temporary mindset can lead to a long road of “imposter syndrome” that lingers even with success. The line becomes blurred of where you no longer need to “fake it” because you have achieved success. Imposter Syndrome will rob you of the joy in your accomplishments. Faking who you are, doesn’t honor your soul.

So what’s the answer?

Life is a journey of learning. Seeking your success requires an unending amount of new experiences. A beginner’s mindset keeps you wanting to learn more, and no matter what field you are in, there is always more to learn. The energy you will give off of curiosity and eagerness for growth will take you farther in the long run than constantly focusing on tips and tricks for faking it. It will also give you the insights you might have missed while being anxious about “pulling it off”. It centers you on what you want, rather than your “performance” in doing it. As you grow and expand out of your comfort zone, your comfort zone itself expands.

Focusing on your why

Focusing on what it is you want to accomplish and the why of it will increase your confidence all on its own. Be excited for where you are going instead of how you look while doing it.

Be authentically you with your heart in all you do, and what’s meant to be will happen through you, and with you. Prayers are also a great way to be open to guidance. You have no idea of what amazing places your life is going to take you when you approach it with your heart and soul.

Thank you Rachael Jayne Groover for all you teach in empowering us to go after our dreams.

Written by Melody ✍️ Belliveau

The Oscar Awards Moment

The buzz today around the world circles around opinions of what took place at the Oscar Awards when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on stage after an insensitive joke touched a deep nerve.

Violence is not the answer. But it can always serve a purpose when you cannot change what happened. It may not be the “Bucket Challenge” but hey, it’s an incredible opportunity to bring awareness into something most know nothing about. So can we stop focusing on the judgement of the slap and get into the good that can come out of it?

The Light Inside the dark

Most people have no idea just what Alopecia is. They have no inside view of how devastating it can be to a woman who has been given that diagnosis, especially when she sees her hair as an important part of her identity.

It seldom holds rhyme or reason when it develops and it can hit young or old, male or female. It can come and go at any point in life and can take as long as a few months to less than a week for all your hair to fall out.

The emotions of it

It often creates a tremendous amount of intense emotions, and a common one is feeling less than whole, fractured in who you are. That can be followed by feelings of guilt and shame, after all, you’re not fighting cancer – the most associated cause of hair loss. You’re not going to die – as though you have no justification for feeling devastated. You are not fighting for your life – but now hair loss is your fight.

The process

Chunks of hair fall out. Sometimes handfuls at a time. You wonder and worry at first if it’s all just your imagination. (Whatever you do, don’t go riding on the highway in a convertible with the top down without a scarf on, or you will not look the same when you arrive at your destination. A brush and mirror won’t help.)

Some that are close will notice, others will not at first. To wear a wig or not – for most it’s not really a choice if you need to be seen in public. And no, not everyone can rock the G.I. Jane look, definitely no pun intended. Being subconscious about your looks subtracts from your self confidence. That’s a stress that cannot be expressed in adequate words. And jokes, they cut deep when made in public.

Purchasing issues

Sometimes insurance covers wigs, but sometimes they don’t. The pandemic was hard on professional stores that fitted them and some had to close their doors. Purchasing online is often hit or miss and frequently look nothing like what is pictured. Finding the look that doesn’t make you feel stupid or fake is a difficult task of it’s own and takes serious perseverance. When you do, “make it last” is something that takes effort.

Wearing it

Winter is cold on the scalp and the wind cuts through it like it’s nothing – and the wind – ugh! Try focusing on what you’re doing when your biggest fear is having it blow away on you! But you feel even less whole wearing a hat and no hair. (A hat can slide the hair off – they don’t work well together.) It takes all you have to present yourself.

In the summer heat – you sweat under it, and it itches and boy can it hold heat when you don’t want it to! At home you wear a scarf instead and family warns you (when they remember) that someone is coming with them for a visit. It’s your cue to put your hair on.

Hair adhesives – ha! They are their own challenge, and when your head is hot and sweaty, add a prayer, it’s a necessity!

Sometimes a loved one will put their arm around you to introduce you to someone they know. You quickly pull back – and give the wrong impression. You felt it slide – oh no! Now it looks like a reflection on how you feel about your loved one – ugh! Do you explain to the person they just introduced you to? Nah, that’s way too much embarrassment for all concerned. Then you worry they think your love is fake.

Zoom calls are not a spur of the moment possibility and you have to decide if the uncomfort in the heat or cold is something you are willing to endure.

Only those closest to you see the battle you struggle with, and the subject will run with a reflection of pain. Jokes made from the lack of understanding are made at the expense of others and can bring emotional reactions. Would you come to the defense of a loved one in that circumstance? How would you handle it?

The Moral of the story

People say “Be kind out there. You never know what others are struggling with.” This is a perfect example as to why.

Let’s make something good come out of this momentous incident. It got global attention. It was the Oscars – seen around the world. What better platform to raise awareness?!

Like I said before, it’s not the “Ice Bucket” challenge, but sometimes we still become messengers of the Universe. This one’s a powerful message.

Written by Melody Belliveau

How will this end?

This war has multiple potential endings that could take place. Many see it as their worst fears. Others see the solution as ridding the world of your power.

I have a different ending in mind. You, finding the courage to turn this completely around. The equality of the darkness from you is the light of what you could become.

The ones that admire you and the ones that fear you would stand in disbelief and then question themselves with your example. The rest of the world would be in awe.

Will you be a great overcomer?

The inspiration of the world is in people who share their powerful stories of overcoming. Just think of the powerful story yours would be. Right now you are a spokesman of what anguish and anger can make you feel and do – and then how you can overcome even that.

The process

If you could feel, what you’ve been longing to feel, what would it be? Are you willing to do the work and take the steps it takes to get there? Not going to lie – it will hurt – but it will be well worth it if you keep going through the pain.

Yours will be different, for it will be displayed for the world. You chose to put yourself in that position with your actions. That takes guts but only from under the barrel. No one boasts of being cunning. It is not an admirable quality. But turning it around for good – that’s powerful and it would be true courage. True courage builds integrity.

The Actions

Pardon those who spoke out against you and were punished. They showed true courage to stand up for their beliefs, because it takes more to speak up against injustice than to go along with it. Eliminate the laws you created to silence those who speak their truth.

Cease fire and change your orders given to fight into ones that not only stop the attack but start helping to restore what’s been damaged. That act will take the most courage of all.

Choose

Each and every day and each and every minute of it, is your moment to choose courage instead of anguish and rage. They are simply the path to evil.

I believe you have it in you or you would not be in your position. I am speaking to the man – not the power behind him – because even though you have become a force that seems greater than life – you are still a man. You have vulnerabilities, guarding them as you do may be at your own demise.

Turn them around. Think about it – if someone like you could show that example – you would inspire others to turn their lives around.

The Challenge

I challenge you to step into a role no other dictator has accomplished. You have the ability to create a jaw-dropping ending that doesn’t have the world relieved with your demise. Do you have what it takes?

Do you? Only you can decide.